its been almost 2 years now since i have not connected with you. i was preoccupied with what ifs and what not. i had stacked you along with the 10 others.but you are the only one that i bought and did not have the strength to share my thoughts with. i miss writing. i went back in time today. found my 5th grade you. it had my 5th grade me. i read , smiled and laughed at the most random-est things. like the parts where we played pranks to the part where i was late for class. from the show and tell, to the singing competitions. a reel played before my eyes.
i miss how it all used to be you and me. only. no one to interfere. no one to give a verdict about how it was wrong or right. when did i become this public? i do not know. but i miss my privacy.
the black spiral caught my eye then.the three years of my life that turned my world up side down. i learned a lot. i read all that i had told you.flashbacks from the fights i had back to the confusions and those solutions. that 8th grade me was such a prissy. she Always knew her way. careless and a drifter.not a bit concerned where life would take her. i turned the leaves of the spiral and a sense of emptiness approached. where was that me now? maybe she grew up or out grew her self. what ever the case was she was being missed by me.
then came the black pocket book. it had the most surreal of all the memories.From the first day of school to the last day of school. it had a memory of all those that i rarely even talk to now. a glimpse into that teared me up. i miss how we all used to be US. not what we now are. i miss those days when during a heavy rain we all would go out racing to the cafeteria. a simple change of school and we all drifted away. or maybe it was just me, i had always been an introvert.selectively social.
an evolution from the 5th grade me to the 8th grade gangster to an introvert me. to this me. a mysterious mix of an introvert and and extrovert. a pessimist and and optimist.to a very observant 18 year old. who like to be confined to her own things. strictly follows the the formula of “the less people you chill with the less crap you deal with”
My dear diary, you never got a record of this me. i never wrote it down. maybe because i was not proud of this me. or maybe this me was a bit too much for even me to handle. but ill tell you today. i’ll write it down on the brown diary. i will tell you all about how and when and why did that me become into someone like this me.it might take a few rewrites but cope with me, will you? i have been out of practice of expressions.
P.S : cope with yourself. give yourself time. make you realize who you are. even if you know you’re hard.cause you are only as good as your strength of you having yourself together.
AND for those who invade other peoples privacy, you might just be creating a mess for your life here and after. there is no point in any of it. do something with your life. “life is short. cease the day, do something new, each day”